I read a post today from Nurse_Haskins that said, “Dear NURSING students” Don’t allow ANYONE to rush you to the finish line. It took ME over 20 years to go from CNA to FNP and some of those SAME PEOPLE have dropped out of the race.” This made me reflect back to my own journey. I genuinely feel as though my journey is one that is in the minority. I was a bright student through high school and much of (community) college. By 2004 I received an Associate’s Degree in Science and was married in 2005. I decided later that I wanted more out of life. While my mom told me in my late middle school/high school years she knew I would be a nurse some day, I fought it with the rationale that I was too tender hearted, I cried too much, etc. I decided roughly around 2008 that I wanted to be more than a stay at home wife and step parent. I knew I loved Dr. 90210 in the day and after investigation thought I would be very happy as a Certified Nurse Anesthetist. This job required becoming a registered nurse first.
I took the prerequisites for becoming an RN, but during my second semester I decided to withdraw (passing) because I had so little faith in my ability. This particular school did not care about the person who had zero prior knowledge to all things medicine. They genuinely cared about the ability of the students who could succeed on the NCLEX. I had always been a poor test taker, but an amazing writer, amazing in clinicals, etc. That was not what this program was about. A “C” in my nursing program was an “F” and for the two finals I need an 84% and 82% to pass the two classes. My anxiety took over. I withdrew thinking I could no not possible be ‘barely’ above average on the finals.
This time was insanely embarrassing for me. My family, my friends all had to know I wasn’t the “successful” person they knew. I failed. I took a year off. That year I accomplished other fun things- I ran my first 10K, 15K, half marathon, and marathon (26.2 miles). I just kept coming back to pursuing my dream despite the embarrassment. I reapplied for the program and had to take an entrance exam. I was accepted. In 2011 I graduated with an Associates Degree in Nursing. July 7, 2011 I took the NCLEX and passed after 265 questions (the maximum on the ‘smart test’).
Fast forward, there were times I was told I was had what it took to be a floor nurse but not an ICU nurse. There were times I heard the conversations between two preceptors, “Well at least YOUR orientee is smart enough for this job.” Yes, I was ridiculed by my preceptor and compared to other orientees that I wasn’t intelligent enough to succeed.
I would like to fast forward, but I cannot without giving credit to my beautiful mother who always reminded me that no one came into this profession “all knowing.” We may have situations that give us more knowledge than others, but those of us who start from ‘ground zero’ are not remedial. I desired to be competent in an ICU. My first ICU job the manager told me what I mentioned above. Since then I have worked in (neuro ICU) at Wake Forest Baptist Health, Johns Hopkins, Duke, Yale, Barrow Neurologic Institute, Massachusetts General Hospital (6 of the top 50 in the country with 2 in the top 5).
My mom bought me a bracelet I wear most every day that says, “She believed she could so she did.” This is substantial. You don’t have to meet society’s standards of brilliance. You don’t have to meet you family’s gauge of intelligence. If you believe you can, you can. It may not happen the first attempt. It may not happen during your second attempt. It may not happen by 20yrs old, 30yrs old, 40 yrs old, 50 yrs old. If it is the desire of your heart don’t stop. Don’t let society tell you that you are not enough. You are.